The cockpit

A big night out in Lusaka with Crispin, Laura, Tash, Perry & Il professorie. Me at Mikes Car Wash trying to look nonchalant after being told we were going into the compound. Later at the Cockpit enjoying the ambience before we managed to make ourselves unpopoular and needed a police escort off the premises.

The local

This is the famous Smugglers Inn, our local. I'm not sure about the Sun Sea & Piracy motif but I guess at least it's topical.

Guitar Axe Hero

As some of you will have heard, despite being utterly tuneless I have taken up the guitar, Dave my flatmate has decided he’s going to teach me. His unique mixture of fine musician & Buddhist monk will be tested to the limits but may be a combination that could work. He’s supremely confident I less so. I have managed to learn the major chords i.e. where the fingers should go as oppose to actually being able to play them and have nearly mastered the basic chord sequences of “Wild Thing” & “She’ll be coming round the mountain”, neither of which I recognise when I play them. My next piece of homework is to learn “When the saints go marching in” apparently it’s similar to “Yi Yi Yippee”

Old footballers never die, they just get slower & need more neoprene

In an attempt to recover some fitness after my post Bristol Half marathon slump I’ve started playing football with Sam who’s far too good & a guy called Justin, who for a white boy’s pretty good too. We play at the woodlands Stadium but don’t let the name deceive you. The pitch as level and evenly covered as a teneriffe pool table and the floodlights merely pinpoint the pockets. A mixed group of expats and Zambians play, the expats being older, wiser & slower the locals young fit and incredibly skilful. As a result we hang around in defence waiting for the others to finish charging around the pitch in a mass of whirling arms & legs and approach a goal, we then relieve them of the ball pass it to one of our Zambians and start the whole process again. The only exception to this rule is a Jordanian called, thoughtfully, “Jihad” who goal hangs all game abusing his team mates for just about everything they do but primarily for not defending properly when they don’t have the ball and for not giving him the ball when they do. Fortunately he’s always in white so I can avoid being on his team otherwise I think we’d fall out

It’s a small world...

In a cruel twist of fate I walked around the corner form where I live today to be confronted by a Carling (Black Label) 48 sheet telling me “I’ve earned it”, I know over 21yrs, Martin what are you up to?

Everyone comes back from trips to various far flung places with stories of having met people from “Just down the road”, well I’m no different.
Rachel, another VSO volunteer works at the same organisation and in the same office as me comes from Chalfont St Giles. She’s been here for a while and is engaged to Sam, a local Zambian. I’ve also met a guy called Ian who works for UNICEF, who comes from Prestwood and used to drink in the Kings Head, which apparently is a Sports Bar now, criminal. So that’s the sunny south 2 The Grim North 0 what’s the matter is this volunteering thing too home counties for you?

A night at the theatre

This week we’ve put the brakes on partying and have booked tickets to the Lusaka playhouse, which as the end of our road. The play is called “Kiss the Hangman” and was written by a Zambian from the Southern Province about 10yrs ago. In typical Zambian style we had to sit through interminable speeches, the Mayor’s being a particular gem. He was trying to say let’s restore the theatre to its former glory but only managed to say that this place is a real dump compared to 15yrs ago and take forever saying it. On a brighter note we all sang the national anthem which is well cool and as the Zambians are great singers our out of tune warbling were well and truly countered. It’s a two hander between the hangman and his hangee (What do you call the object of a hangman’s labours?). I think it’s meant to be a metaphor for the troubles in Africa but it was a bit difficult to follow, no-one here sits in hushed silence during the play. Not only do phones go off people answer them, have a natter, pass them on to their mates for a bit more of a chat and eventually ring off, equally if they enjoy a bit they’ll guffaw & laugh or have another chat about the merits of the scene, line etc. This gives the place more the feel of a gig rather than a play which is great fun but it does make it difficult to keep up. The basic premise: It’s the victims last night and he’s talking to the Hangman (Represents the State) who wants him to confess his crimes, the victim (Represents all who challenge the state) refuses to as he believes his committed no crime. The hangman treats him badly (Beatings, ritual humiliations etc) and even tries to trick him into confessing by disguising himself as a clergyman. The victim survives his ordeals and his last act is to forgive the hangman for what he’s done and is about to do, kissing his feet to prove his. The old hang man can’t cope with this and becomes, I believe the Americans call it “Conflicted”. Clearly he can’t hang the man so puts him under house arrest whilst he decides what do next. Exeunt stage left. It was thoroughly entertaining and thought provoking, as the only “Muzungo” there we were invited to meet the cast afterwards but blessedly not the Mayor.

The Elections

This week saw the presidential elections, the previous president Levy Mawanwasa had died in Paris in Aug. Whilst Zambia’s a peaceful country with a stable democracy it’s a little tense and VSO have told us not to go to work the day after the elections just in case of riots, there had been some isolated incidents in some of the rougher compounds e.g. Garden, after the previous election. This in addition to the official day off we get for the election means a short week. The main candidates are Rupiah Banda acting president and Sato Pabwate leader of the opposition. There’s also a guy nick named HH who’s popular in certain areas but has no hope of winning. He’s a bit of a Tony Blair/David Cameron character, young, thrusting and image led. However, in attempting to sound like them he’s alienated a lot of the normal Zambians who just don’t get it when he says things like “I’m going to increase your capacity for wealth generation by 7.2%” or, of the army “I want to turn it into a multi-dimensional rapid reaction force” even the army are a bit confused. Sato just says “If you have K1,000 in your pocket I’ll make it K2,000” . So, HH is out, never really a convincing candidate, it’s between Sato & Rupiah. I’ve been told that in Africa the residing GVT only ever lose an election when they want to and there’s a little bit of unrest with claim & counter claim about planned election rigging. To be fair after the event they were praised by international election monitoring body of some sort for the way the election was run. It also looks like it’s going to be a close run thing with Sato heading out in front & Rupiah chasing. This is because Sato is popular in urban areas where votes get counted quicker and rupiah the other way round. Sato’s call to action seems to reference a combination of everyone getting on Noah’s ark to be safe and everyone pulling together to row in the same direction as a result you see loads of peopled driving around Lusaka with passengers leaning out of the windows “air rowing” a pretty surreal sight. Anyway the night of the elections comes and we all go out to celebrate an ex VSOs birthday despite concerns about election night tension, as it turns out it was absolutely fine and a very Lusakian night was had by all. A couple of days later and all the predictions come true, Sato rushed out into a lead by was caught and guess what the ruling party won.

We move to our accommodation on Saturday morning and have been told to be packed and ready to go by 8am at the latest, our driver turns up at 11.30 by 12 we’re off and by 1pm we’re back where we started, Jacob, our driver had forgotten the house keys. This is particularly galling as we suspected this may happen so cunningly asked him if he had the keys, he confirmed to us that “Yes he did” with a beaming smile. So eventually we’re in by 2pm, only 6 hours late another lesson in “Africa time”, I will never moan about the “Go To Market” process again!!!
Our House is a 1930’s semi, which is part of a compound of 6 in Minerva Court, which on Ituna rd a leafy avenue lined with Jacaranda & Red fire trees in the heart of Lusaka. We have 3 bedrooms, kitchen, dining room, Living room & shower!! I’m sharing with a guy called Dave from South East London so we have a spare room and have immediately become the Lusaka Hotel for our “Hick country cousin” VSOs when visiting town. At the end of our rd is the Lusaka playhouse & theatre, holiday Inn & Intercontinental Hotels, so all in all a pretty civilised existence. A 20 min walk west gets you to Cairo & ChaChaCha rds which is where the average Zambian hangs out & about 40mins East gets you to Manda Hill & arcades shopping centres, where the Whites & middle classes hang out and at all points in between are dotted bars & restaurants, oddly often in the middle of a residential st, Northmead is for trendy bars & clubs.
I started work today and have immediately run into more examples of “Africa time”, it’s normal for meetings to start an hour & half late as you wait for people to gradually wander in. A particularly frustrating aspect is that people put their heads around the door see that no one’s there yet and wander off again, thus perpetuating the problem. I’m based at one of the members offices (ZARAN) which is next door to Manda Hill shopping Centre, you can see this from Google earth if you’re that way inclined. My role has swiftly changed from Advisor to coordinator, which seems to mean that I’m now responsible for doing everything. I’m coordinating a group of 11 NGOs who have common agenda around reducing the burden on those who care for Aids sufferers (generally women & small children).This is a particular issue for women who are often the main breadwinners, so if they’re caring for someone it’s difficult for them to earn an income, which is why they often turn to prostitution which in turn exposes them to a high risk of getting HIV/Aids themselves, a particularly unpleasant vicious circle
I’ve been at work 2 wks and already had 2 bank holidays( Zambia has 12 per yr) and a bonus day off, to celebrate Independence day & for the presidential elections. On one of these days I took a walk up to the local Golf club to check out prices etc. It looks like I might be able to afford a monthly game, assuming I buck up my ideas about appearance. They were very distressed at my shirt hanging outside my trousers, despite my protestations about about walking 40mins in 35c temperatures and surely you can give a Muzungo (Foreigner) a break, there are even rules about length & colour of sock. They eventually relented and allowed me in for a cup of tea, in bone china no less.
Natasha a VSO from Monze(2/3 hours from Lusaka) has joined us for the long election weekend. Born in Zambia but brought up in London Tash is something of a force of nature and has the locals completely confused, she looks local but talks in pure estuary, innit!! We met up with a bunch of other volunteers tonight at a bar called Smugglers Inn which was showing the Arsenal v Tottenham game, it was pandemonium when Tottenham equalised I thought I’d been transported to North London for a moment. It seems that the premiership has replaced historic tribal allegiances and by all accounts you’re as likely to see Zambians fighting over their team as anything else

Day One "Let's off rd"

Where to start? I guess at the beginning and that would mean Heathrow Terminal 5 what a place. Check in terminals that print your boarding card and let you pick your seat, fast bag drops and no queues for security, they even promised not to lose my bags. I sat next to Martha on the plane who produces wildlife documentaries for the BBC, her main focus is Polar but as her sister lives in Zambia she’d managed to wangle the trip .Mind you 2 10hr flights for 2 days filming doesn’t sound that glamorous. It turns out that her sister’s brother in law’s partner (Keep up) is “Someone big” in the Aids community in Lusaka (Funded by the Bill Gates institute no less). Martha was kind enough to get me her number so I get 1st prize for best VSO networking before landing in Country, funny that, more networking than I managed in 20yrs at Coors?!
We arrived at 6am, it was 22c. I can confirm that Lusaka airport is not quite terminal 5, I had my first experience of “Africa time” whilst queuing at immigration, not only did it take forever but people were randomly whisked through the VIP channel for no apparent reason, I may have been more sanguine about this if I’d been selected, sadly not.
We were taken from the airport to the Barn Motel on the outskirts of Lusaka, a place that the phrase “Faded Grandeur” could have been invented for. However, it’s got 2 pools and a cool poolside bar, tough stuff this volunteering. We’re here for our first week of in Country training.
Induction amongst other things consisted of a day trip around Lusaka, where we went to Kenneth Kuanda’s house, the museum & a ”Cultural village” which was in the middle of an housing estate. At the Museum our educated & articulate told us about Kenneth Kuanda’s special walking stick that made him invisible to the police, enabling him to continue with independence struggle unhindered. After questioning it became clear that he took this very seriously and utterly believed in its mythical powers, he also told us about men in the Western province who still had the ability to turn into Lions and crocodiles at will?! This is a little concerning.
Tonight it’s the reception at the British High commission celebrating 50 yrs of the VSO. Zambia was one of the first four countries VSO went to and has been here for 46yrs. Interestingly, the High Commissioner should be High Commissioners as it consists of an husband & wife team who are job sharing in what I understand is an unprecedented act. Unfortunately and with perfect timing I got my first dose of “Delhi Belly” an hour before going so spent most of my time in the Commish’s Loo redecorating, I hope that’s not treasonable. I managed to attend and nearly look interested for the speeches but spent most of my time worrying about the fact that that the presenters were between me and the loo.